This past weekend we had the opportunity to go to Beth Moore's Living Proof Live conference in Portland. It was an amazing weekend...one of those that leaves an eternal fingerprint on your life. Beth mentioned at the beginning of the weekend that her prayer was that "God would drop" and one of my favorite quotes from the weekend was one of the ladies telling me that God almost gave her a concussion, he dropped so hard on her life and heart!
One thing that Beth had all of us do during the weekend was come up with 6 words that represented our lives. We did it at the beginning of the conference and then again at the end, after spending some reflection and meditation time alone with the Lord. It was extremely powerful!
When she first mentioned the whole "six words" concept I immediately had a phrase come to my mind. It was this: "Completely unworthy, yet used by God." I haven't shared much lately but I want you to know I have been going through a very intense spiritual journey the past couple of months, where my heart has been very heavy and I have been really seeking the Lord and yearning for Him in new ways. I won't go into all that had me at this "place" because I could probably write a whole book about it, but the bottom line is that it had been intense. I needed to be refreshed and restored...again!
I was broken in so many ways. I couldn't comprehend why God had called me to do the things that he has because I have nothing to give. I was feeling very unequipped, very unqualified, very inadequate, etc. etc.
Throughout the conference I felt Him speaking to me on so many different levels, sometimes in the truths Beth reminded us of and other times just by His Spirit refreshing my soul. At the end of our time together, when Beth had us reflect back and write 6 new words I sat for a few minutes and prayed. And then heard the words: "You are right...you are unworthy" and I completely broke.
I have been battling trying to find something about myself that would make me qualified for the mission God has given us and he simply said to me "There is nothing about you that makes you qualified. I need you to be broken so that I can use you." How amazing is it that God's answer to our lives...to find fulfillment, satisfaction, joy and peace is to truly undersand how undeserving we are for any of that. It goes completely against what the "world" teaches us...that we need to find strength in ourselves and that finding worth in ourselves will make us complete!
I feel renewed and refreshed knowing that nothing I have, nothing that I am, and nothing that I do is in my own strength and ability!
I know that these were my personal "words" from the Lord and I know you may be at a completely different place in life right now. If you are reading this, and went to the conference, I would love for you to share your 6 words if you feel comfortable and anything that you felt God speak to you during the weekend. If you didn't get to go, know that we missed you tremendously and I would still love to hear what your 6 words would be!
I can't tell you how blessed I am to have all of you in my life! I have no words...